Is That Rape?

Waking up on a couch and the last thing you remember is watching a movie and drinking two vodka and oranges, there is a bucket to the side of the bed and your friends with benefits laying on the other side of the couch. You get up to get some water as you have a dry mouth, and then go to lie in bed but end up throwing up the water you just drank. So, you go back to the couch and try to sleep. Again you wake up, this time in the morning and you ask what happened last night, they tell you that you threw up everywhere. You then decide, I’m going to clean this place up and while doing so; you find a used condom on the floor (WTF?!). You ask him, why there was a condom there and apparently you asked to have sex then didn’t want it so he stopped.

Can a person give consent if they are highly intoxicated and not even remember the event? Most people are uncertain in what this situation is and unclear as to what really happened. This other person also states to you they were drunk but they remember what happened apparently and you have no memory of it at all.

Sexual Assault

Though the definition is vague, it is heavily based on behaviours viewed as constituting sexual harassment, sexualised bullying, unwanted kissing and/or touching, sexual pressure and/or coercion, and forced sexual activity and sexual violence. The Australian Human Rights Commission (2017) conducted a nation wide study of the reports of sexual assault/harassment within Australian universities. The findings showed that 51% of all university students surveyed were sexually harassed, and 6.9% were sexually assaulted on at least one occasion in 2015 or 2016 (1, p.3). 1 in 4 students witnessed another student being sexually harassed at university in 2016, with the most common form of sexual harassment being sexually suggestive comments or jokes, inappropriate staring or leering, and intrusive questions about a person’s private life or appearance (1, p.105). With international students being substantially more likely than domestic student to not take action after witnessing sexual assault due to fears for their own safety (1, p.112). With only 2% of students surveyed, who experienced sexual harassment, plus the 9% who experienced sexual assault at unversity in either 2015 or 2016 said that they had made a formal report or complaint to the university (1, p.177).

As the Victorian Law Reform Commission states:

“Although generally accepted as being among the most traumatic crimes for its victims, sexual offences are among the most under-reported. The prospect of a long, harrowing and adversarial trial process deter many victims from pressing their case.” And then there is the issue, as always of false reports (2).

I know a guy who got accused of sexual assaulting a girl while she was intoxicated, she reported to the police and they confirmed she had had sex but her claim was that the guy had pentrated her with his fingers. She told the police that left the party with someone else and had sex with them after the claim of being sexually assaulted. So, there is no way to prove her report — and from experience, people are normally scared to have intercourse that soon after being sexually assaulted.

Though this is coming from a female, there is no limit to who will be sexually harassed. Being on a dating app such as Tinder, Bumble and etcra, does bring much unwanted attention from certain people. Like Bumble allowing pictures, a surprise dick pic definitely is reaching too far. Or the question “Can I see your pussy?” *sends a photo of a cat* haha. Saying that jokingly, sexual assault is a criminal offence that is extremely traumatic and has severe psychologically repercussion in the future.

A lack of understanding and knowledge as what one should do after something like this has happened to them is surely a reason why it is so under reported.

Sexually Transmitted Infection/Disease

Let’s imagine again that you are in a casual relationship with someone that you trust, they suggest having unprotected intercourse. You ask, “Have you had a sexual check up recently?” They reassure you that they have, and you believe them. A couple of days later you experience pain around your privates but dismiss it as you believed the person didn’t have anything as they told you so, and you trusted their word. A few more days pass and you realise you have things like blisters there. You book a doctor’s appointment out of concern and ask the person again if they were being honest with you about being clean. They again reassured you that they were.

At the doctors, they take a biopsy — a sample from the blister — and then you just have to wait for the results. Days pass and you ask google what it might be, and all signs lead to a sexually transmitted infection/disease. You get paranoid and contact the person again, accusing them of lying to you about being clean and telling them that they gave you and STI/D. They continue to tell you that they didn’t and it must have been someone else. But, no surprise when the results come back, it shows you are positive for HSV-2 AKA genital herpes.

The doctor prescribes some antiviral medication to you as a way to suppress the symptoms and avoid breakouts in the future. At this time you are furious, knowing you hadn’t had unprotected sex recently with anyone else but this person, and they straight up lied to you and has given you a infection for life. Not only does it make having any kind of sex life a challenge, you cannot have unprotected sex again unless you wish to infect the person you are having sex with. For women, this means if you want to get pregnant naturally they can only infect someone else. And you have to be careful when giving birth, as to not pass it onto the child.

It doesn’t end there though, you message the person and demand they acknowledge what they did to you and how they have ruined your life. The funny thing is that they then turn it around saying, they probably got the infection off you. They then continue to say they wish to punish you in a dominating sexual way. And unfortunately, you feel guilty about this and blame yourself, saying you deserve to be treated like this.

The person comes to your place, and you feel as if you owe them something. That something they want is sex, but they say they will do it protected incase they are not infected. The experience of that was physically painful to do, but you said nothing as you didn’t really know what to do.

Months later the person contacts you and finally admits that they have the STI as they gave it to their friend and their friend’s partner — as an open relationship without using protection is apparently a thing. They then cry to you and say they have no friends anymore, as they all hate that person for giving their friend an STI. So, they decide it’s a good idea to come to your house, even though they are the last person in the world you want to see. They knock on your door and you say, “Go Away!” But they say they won’t leave unless you talk to them, and your sympathy gets the best of you and you let them in your house.

So, they come in and tell you how much they feel self-pity, while you sit as far away from them as politely possible but you are shaking, scared and anxious. The way you decide to deal with your feelings is by scratching your arm as if a way to calm down and not feel. Though you scratch so hard that you make yourself bleed.

Support

Now, these stories are just some ways that people get sexually assaulted and fall into depression, developing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The statistics show that 12% of people experience PTSD within their lifetime, it can be common to experience suicidal thoughts and non-suicidal self-injury (3).

It is extremely important for people to know that this is something that is so very real in the community and happens more than people know. It doesn’t just impact one individual, it can impact all around them. It doesn’t discriminate as to gender, race or age. Though, it is noted that 17% of women and 4% of men experienced sexual assault since the age of 15, with 93% of offenders being male (4). With more shocking findings of only about 17% of reported sexual offences result in a conviction, (4).

If you have experienced any kind of sexual assault, please seek help for yourself, or if you know someone who has experienced it, support them through their process. The most important thing is making sure the person who experienced this is supported and feels safe. A list of some helpful websites are below:

References:

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