March 22

I think I like you.

I like you,

In a way that is caused by the fact that we start this as friends. Randomly met on a project, sat in front of each other, when we exchanged looks and said, “It’s kinda cold in here. Is it okay for you?” then we just went to the kitchen and made two cups of hot tea before back to our discussion. Although we have just met less 1–2 hours before, and we haven’t talked to each other that much. And it was okay.

In a way that is caused by the fact that we have a similar taste of music, that we also have a very much alike point of view in life, and those similarities didn’t end up with courtesies but hundreds line of deep discussions in Whatsapp.

In a way that is caused by the fact that I can spend one whole day with you, and there’s no moment, not even a SINGLE SECOND, that I feel like I have to say/do something to break the awkward silence. Maybe because there was none.

In a way that is caused by the fact that you really mean it when you say you do. Like when you said you are going to meet me between your office hours. And actually stayed for two hours, hearing blasted stories about my incompetency at work. That I asked you in case I'm bothering you and you only said, “I’m free.” And stayed anyway. And patiently answer those bombardments of questions that I land to you, one by one. And my oily face. And my irritating friends that join our convos.

In a way that is caused by the fact that your effort to help me get over my depression actually motivated me to stop thinking worthless for the rest of my life, to more compassionate and honest with myself, to saying okay even if I’m not okay, to letting things happen to be failed as it needs to be failed but never ever blaming my own self for it, to loving myself first before another.

Yes, I think I like you.

Up to the point that if you think I am just a really good friend — it’s OK. Cause I’d rather have you around as best friends, then to date, and fail and become enemies.

Yes, this post is for you.

Although I swear to God, I hope you will never see this, until the day I show it to you.

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